this is a control issue for me. the need to be healthy is completely relevant. today I was so fucking proud of myself for doing the elliptical for an entire hour. even when I was on my healthy kick last time, I NEVER would have had the willpower to make myself keep going.

and I’ve been doing so well. logging everything. myfitnesspal is my motivator all the time. and this blog.

I’m not even doing this because I hate my body or to be more attractive or anything like that. right now it’s this competition with myself, how long can you keep this much control.

this changes everything.